The Original DailySkew

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Monday, April 7, 2008

"Weighing in at 4.65 GB ... Google Desktop!"

The following is a narrative poem, like the classics epics of the past:

Are you kidding me?
I'm out of space
C drive filled
Can't upload photos for wife
Can't listen to MLB
Websites won't load
Microsoft error messages

Welcome to 21st century hell

Is it Silverlight?
Automatically blaming Gates
Read about a weakness
on MLB.com
Have I been sabatoged
by a nameless
faceless
hacker?

Is my computer infected?

I find some way
to free up 50 megs
to finish helping my wife
and moments later...
... it's gone!
Good-bye!
I watched 50 megs
DISappe....
As I hit F5 on Explorer

Damn

I must be infected.
I scan.
I AVG.
I Spybot.
I Ad-Aware.
Nothing.
I delete more crud
Space restored
to 60 megabytes, Captain

Running on Impulse power

I turn it off
Shut DOWN
After staying up
an hour more
than I planned

The next evening
after work
I reboot, hoping
praying
Nah. 60 megs still

I do a search
*.*
Date Modified?
The past week
I pull up the results
And what do I see?

4.65GB

Five files
like rpm.cb1
taking up a
total
of
4
.
6
5
G
B

Here, I've been
cursing Microsoft
Cursing Thorbjorn
for telling me
10GB would be
enough for my
partitioned
C drive

Cursing my Charlie Brown
Misfortune

And it was Google
E tu, Brute?

I LOVE Google
I love Google Desktop
It's made my life easier
but at what cost?

4.65 GB?

Too much
Too much
Es Mucho

I have to
uninstall
walk away
give it up

I had
just uninstalled
Photoshop
I've uninstalled
SO MANY THINGS
OVER THE PAST
TWO YEARS

E tu, Google.

Ceasar's hitting
the delete button
on that knife
to the back

He's going to
Control Panel
He's taking back
What's his

4.65

Uninstall
The prompt
DIRE WARNING
Am I sure?
Google won't be able
to protect me
from malware
from phishing
from evil

F*** YOU, BRUTE

GIVE ME BACK
MY 4.65 GB
YOU DAMN DIRTY DESKTOP!

4.65 GB
I am relieved

A triumph

I won't have to
buy a new computer
reinstall Windows
Install Linux
buy a new hard drive

A triumph

Now
Where's that Photoshop disk?

Suddenly
I feel like that guy
planting the flag
While Heston laughs

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5 Comments:

Blogger DamianHospital said...

10/10
*****

Tuesday, April 08, 2008  
Anonymous Vahl said...

Thanks, bro.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008  
Anonymous Arturo S. said...

Can I send you a Daily Balance rebuttal on your recent Google rants?

Tuesday, April 08, 2008  
Anonymous Vahl said...

Sure. Drop us an email.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008  
Blogger DamianHospital said...

Oh crap, I hope I don't have to read a defense of Google. They just PR: Zero'ed hundreds of sites this morning.

They even PR:0'd a blogger who had "PPP" in their subject title- and the blogger wasn't even making paid ads!

Tuesday, April 08, 2008  

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