I wish I never knew about Terry Bollea

The following was submitted by Amarillo da Vaca, the noted suicidal romantic escape artist:

I wish I never knew the name Terry Bollea.

I wish Hulk Hogan had remained the way I remembered him as a child, wearing yellow spandex undies, boots, and a bandana with red lettering. I wish he had remained an advocate for Hulkamaniacs the world over, encouraging us to eat healthy, exercise, and take our vitamins.

Instead, I'm faced with the reality that Terry Bollea is a money-grubbing media whore with zero self respect (is less than zero possible on that chart? Negative infinity?). I have to wake up to the realization that Terry Bollea pimps out his "Wife" and kids to the public.

Terry Bollea is a jerk. Any man who says a car accident victim "Had it coming" when he was SITTING IN THE PASSENGER SEAT is a Megajerk.

All those years, as a child, buying into those 22-inch pythons, bought with steroids ... all those years, believing he was a patriot and a good guy ... I guess I should've realized what he was when he became Hollywood Hogan, but I was older then. I thought it was just part of the wrestling game.

Now, in his old age, instead of becoming a Mr. Rogers-type father figure, he chose to become a prostitute. And his son, Nick (I wish I never knew him, either), gladly pulls on the garters as well.

Terry and Nick have no shame. They don't know the meaning of the word shame. They are MEDIA SLUTS.

I am disillusioned and disgusted. I transliterate to free my soul of this burden.