Obnoxious Ad Message; embrace the shark
Since Western Civilization has jumped the shark this decade, I've decided to get in the water and embrace that shark as Richie Cunningham hops by.
Be warned: the Skew is officially embracing the shark in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1….
While Mumbai burns … While pirates terrorize hard-working sailors off the coast of Somalia … While Russia and Venezuela make their plans … While China becomes the world's dominant player … While Obama tries to save the day while lowering expectations … While Americans eat dry turkey b/c it's "tradition" … Here's Pepsi's stunning message to us:
"You're alive! You're in the Pepsi generation."
American MSM loves to embrace iconic images from the past without taking the time learn lessons from that same past.
… 0. Zero. Earth-Zero. We have liftoff. Hugging the shark now….
I don't know about you, but I'm rooting for the guy in the rubber suit with the atomic breath to come and take care of business.
We need Godzilla to, uh, humble the Middle East, so they can produce great cars 40 years from now.
All we need is for the big O to press the button, and release Godzilla on the world. Our friends in Iraq, Israel, and Afghanistan need it.
Since you, western civilization, have jumped the shark, I am merely following this to it's logical conclusion. Truman=Obama. It's true. It's true.
We know deep down, all you sick CL jerks want to wake up one morning and see Tehran laid waste by a giant man in a rubber Godzilla suit, with atomic spray paint blasting out of his mouth.
I am merely voicing what you want. Godzilla will keep you comfortable and perverted. You won't be stuck in a hotel Rwanda or hotel Mumbai, hiding in a shower or under your bed as bullets fly by and explosions are heard in the hallway.
I, like Damian, am here to serve you.
We know you desire a military budget of one nuke in Tehran. We know you want Godzilla, in the worst way possible, to happen in real life.
Consequences? You ignore geopolitical consequences the same way you ignore the consequences of unprotected sex with an imperfect stranger. You believe in rolling the dice and getting a well-built car in 40 years from a subjugated ally.
"You're alive! You're in the Pepsi generation."
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Powerful.
You say what people are afraid to admit and therefore deny their subconscious desires.
Im having a hard time following this post.
I read it twice and I still dont get it.
I am not criticizing its point, its just that youre swerving all over the road with this one.
ten points -
#-1 why be mad at pepsi for not taking on the problems of the world?
pepsi-co just wants to sell pepsi.
“You’re alive! You’re in the Pepsi generation.”
not such a bad slogan, kinda vague and general, dead people dont drink pepsi I guess.
I expect no solutions to the world’s problems from pepsi who just want everybody to drink their soda, and neither should you.
pepsi will always just want people to drink pepsi.
If we bash them we also gotta bash coke, mountain dew, sunny delight,snapple, the list goes on and on…
I dont respect a soft drink that tries to deliver a message on how to solve the worlds problems because that soda is a liar if it does that.
there is no “soda that cares” so stop looking and just drink water, its better for you anyway.
I stopped looking for “the soda that cares” long ago and so should you and everybody reading this.
#-2 Now you want Godzilla to happen?
havent we got enough problems?
what, so the ad for pepsi you saw was the last straw?
the pepsi ad was the final thing that set you off?
wow.
you should have turned off the Michael Savage show sooner, now youve become one of them.
#-3 “Since you, western civilization, have jumped the shark, I am merely following this to it’s logical conclusion. Truman=Obama. It’s true. It’s true.”
huh???
what is that?
Obama is Truman because somebody wants godzilla to go to iran?
now im getting lost.
#-4 What is a CL-jerk?
and if a CL-jerk wants to see godzilla stomp civilization let the CL-jerks rent it from blockbuster like the regular jerks do.
were not gonna destroy civilization because some special kind of jerks want us to.
were too buzy for all of that.
#-5 “I am merely voicing what you want. Godzilla will keep you comfortable and perverted.”
how is gozilla going to keep me perverted?
how to you know that gamera or mothra wont do a better job of keeping perverts the same?
what if godzilla changes us?
or starts moralizing to the perverts?
then theyll start to feel guilty.
and none of them will post their comments on my blog anymore, and then where would I be?
Id be out of two jobs instead of just one.
no skew, I just cant have that.
No godzilla moralizing to perverts okay?
its too risky.
and how do YOU know youre voicing what I want?
are you using the vulcan mind meld or the jedi mind trick to glean this information about what everybody wants?
which is it?
speak-up O wise one.
#-6 “You won’t be stuck in a hotel Rwanda or hotel Mumbai, hiding in a shower or under your bed as bullets fly by and explosions are heard in the hallway.”
I thought we were talking about godzilla or pepsi, and now somehow “Hotel Rwanda” ends up in this rant too.
like I said, swerving all over the road with this one.
the internet police would have pulled you over about two miles back for this post.
#-7 “I, like Damian, am here to serve you.”
I thought “skew” was Damian, or Vahl, wait…
now Im confused…
am I on the right blog?
who IS this?
am I dreaming this or am I typing this right now?
right now I just dont know anymore.
what time is it?
#-8 “We know you desire a military budget of one nuke in Tehran.”
I dont even know where tehran is, nor do I desire for ‘one nuke’ to be there even if we do have the budget to make it happen.
Is the nuke for them or are we going to nuke them?
If i dont know what I want for tehran then how do you know what I want for tehran?
how did tehran get mixed up in all of this?
I thought we were talking about pepsi from rwanda for godzillas shark or something, now youre talking about tehran’s military budget?
what gives?
I dont care about Tehran’s budget for its military or otherwise.
I know Im uninformed on world events, but I would rather stay uninformed than be misinformed.
no news is good news.
#-9 “We know you want Godzilla, in the worst way possible, to happen in real life.”
not even close.
#-10 “You believe in rolling the dice and getting a well-built car in 40 years from a subjugated ally”
I dont believe that rolling the dice is going to get me a well built car from subjugated ally in 40 years.
it shouldnt take 40 years just to build a car well anyway, and Id rather subjugate an ally that can build a car faster than that.
in closing:
pepsi’s original slogan was “coke is for dead people.” but they had to change it.
the title of this post should have been:
“skew” wants to see nuclear explosions in tehran because dead people dont drink pepsi.
Once you embrace the shark that was jumped, anything can and will be written. Think of it as crazy lyrics or avante-garde poetry.
Godzilla needs to buy the world a Coke before melting Tehran.
Here is how I interpret this post:
Godzilla is a symbol of Hiroshima.
Vahl doesn’t really want a nuke anywhere, but is attempting to voice what the majority of Americans want by “Embracing the shark.” The post goes downhill after he completes his countdown. I have no idea how he knows this – but he did predict gas would fall to $2.00/gallon, as well as the crashing of the housing market, so who am I to question him?
“Subjugated ally building great cars in 40 years” could refer to either Japan or Germany, but probably Japan.
It is clear to me that Vahl is saying nuking Tehran to end terrorism is Lazy Man’s Ethics. It’s the easy way out. It’s like a cheat code in a video game. And it”s wrong.
He is, in a roundabout way, criticizing Truman for nuking Japan as a means to end WWII.
The Pepsi ad is representative of modern American consumerism, where it our “Patriotic duty” to buy things we don’t need. Pepsi was the foil for his rant. He holds no hatred for Pepsi, as far as I can tell.
CL jerks = people who use the internet to solicit for sex, i.e. perverts – like the ones that leave comments at R.A.W.’s blog.
I’ve been reading dailyskew since they started in 2001. For me, they were the intellectual answer to 9/11 and the aftermath – the “King Ashcroft” parodies after the Patriot Act passed were brilliant. Too bad that stuff is only available on .pdf now.
It takes awhile to understand Vahl and Damian, but once you do, it’s worth it.
Happy Black Friday!