Poogle vs. GGG

1/24/2008

The anti-matter cloud hit this morning. Conrad Hoss checked his blog, and saw his Poogle page rank was 0/10, after being a lofty 2/10 before he went to sleep.

He logged on to GGG -- all his opportunities had dried up.

The war for advertising dollars had reached his computer screen.

Conrad immediately contacted his personal Secretary of Defense -- Admiral DeCarlo. They discussed this latest development and drew the following conclusions:

• Poogle's dependancy on advertising revenue was their Achille's heel.
• Poogle was in an odd situation. If they bought GGG, they would have to allow page ranks for GGG blogs, while blocking out GGG's competition from the search engine. That would definitely be a lawsuit. However, by following their present course, they have revealed their weakness.
• Poogle's main search competitors, Hayoo, Ax, and SNM, should embrace GGG.
• Poogle was alienating stay-at-home moms and people looking for a second source of income.
  
• Poogle ads were not nearly as effective in bringing in revenue for individual blogs.
• GGG plans to carry on without Poogle. However, it already appears that advertising dollars are drying up, and that the owner of GGG, Ikae, was planning a social networking site to replace GGG.
  

Conrad and Admiral DeCarlo decided to wait and see ... let fate decide, for now....

LoL Productions

My buddy Walter is one of the best up-and-coming photographers/photoshop experts in South Florida. Check out the spinning carousel on his myspace page for a sample of his work. Add him to your friends list to see more his work.

If you want to become a model, Walter will hook you up with a portfolio for a reasonable price.

Did I mention he also does t-shirt and hat designs, employing airbrush, vinyl, and whatever else might be handy? What a talent!

I highly recommend IE 7 for viewing his myspace page. I'm just sayin'.

Firefox users: please forgive the music that refuses to stop playing or the crazy flash graphics that will slow down your computer as it loads -- that's the magic of myspace.

I pray he gets a minimalist blog someday, or something.


Sorry. I mean -- I love your graphics-intensive myspace environment. Don't change a thing!







Save me!







Thanks!

B-Complex Vitamins

My multi-vitamin has B-vitamins in it, but apparently they weren't enough, or wasn't getting the effect. I bought B-complex formula, with biotin, yesterday ... and I'm already feeling better mentally.

So, whenever I'm highly stressed, I run out of certain chemicals, my brain collapses, I shut down ... eventually, I recover the nutrients in the food I eat. If I take the vitamins, I prevent this from happening.

Damn.

I think of the major shutdowns I've had in my life ... you've got to be kidding me.

[INSERT JOKER LAUGH]

I wonder ... was Heath Ledger taking his B-complex?

Is it really that simple?

[INSERT JOKER LAUGH]

No wonder Miguel Tejada and Roger Clemens love B-12 shots!

More Pseudo-paradoxes

1. A poor family goes to a car dealer, and gets 20% interest financing on a two-year-old car. A rich family shows up, and gets 8% financing on a similar vehicle.

So, the poor person pays more for the same car, even though they can afford less.

I know, I know, that's our capitalist society at work ... the poor person pays more big they're a bigger risk to default on their loan, blah, blah, blah.

Explain it to god when you stand before him on judgment day, okay?


2. A depressed person calls his insurance company in the morning and gets the telephone numbers for three psychiatrists in his area that accept his coverage. He calls all three doctors to see if they are accepting new patients -- and gets voicemail each time. He leaves messages, and awaits a return call. He doesn't receive one that day.

It's not an emergency, because the person has not slit their wrists or anything like that ... but the person is attempting to get help before suicidal thoughts take over.

So, a depressed person who needs therapy doesn't get an immediate callback. However, if he had attempted suicide and called 9-1-1, EMS would have showed up immediately to rescue him.

Talk about a grim reality.

TV Commericals

Did you know I remember the 2002 schlock commercials that ran on Fox during the Yankees-Angels series?

1. The Lily Pharmaceuticals "Bipolar" ad -- The entire presentation and premise was immoral,
unethical, and just plain wrong. What, let's take a survey online to see if we have a chemical
imbalance in the brain? That is the most ridiculous way to diagnose (let alone advertise) a powerful prescription drug like Paxil.

And that was the most stereotypical Bipolar female I have ever seen in my life. Talk about inappropriate.
2. The "John Doe" Fox ad -- "Do you know what it's like to look in the mirror and not know
who you are?" I've got a better question, John Doe -- why on earth should I care about your
problems? Okay, the guy can tell me how many dimples are on a golf ball -- so freakin' what? I can look up that info on Google. Maybe that would be a great TV show -- "Who is ... Google?"

"Do you know what it's like to have people search stuff on you, and know everything, and not
know who you are? And not have A.I.?"

Questioning a commonly-held belief

Occasionally, we question commonly-held beliefs, like the Ebay myth. Well, this time I'd like to question the following typical advice for writers:

"When writing, your text should sound conversational. Read aloud what you write, and toss out anything that doesn't flow. Simplify, for clarity's sake."

This is rubbish, for the following reasons:

1. Writing should challenge and stimulate the mind. Conversational writing, with it's familiar phrases, just puts the reader to sleep. It's too comforting ... your brain goes on auto-pilot as your eyes soak in the familiar use of words.
2. Does Shakespeare flow? Seriously -- is that really how people spoke back then? Or did he use English to paint a picture with words, and create quotable and conversational dialog? I wonder if this would have been acceptable to the so-called experts at writer's conventions, who keep their Elements of Style in their back pocket, wary of breaking verbal rules.
3. Simplifying a sentence may clarify, but it also tends to eliminate poetic turns of phrases. Inexperienced writers are encouraged to avoid such wordy attempts. Isn't this throwing the baby out with the bathwater? Writers should be encouraged to experiment, fail, and try again. It's the only way you GROW as a writer.
4. In truth, the whole notion of simplifying and eliminating what doesn't flow is a reflection of our dumbed-down society ... and that we seemingly have no time to read.
5. If every writer strives to write conversationally ... then the variety of written works will diminish.
   

I'm just sayin'.

***

On a side-note, I highly recommend reading interesting works, as it exercises the mind and breaks the humdrum pattern of our on-the-go-drive-thru-instantaneous existence.

A man from the year 1849 would have no shot of understanding this post

The following was a submission by a fan of the DailySkew. As you read it, I'm sure you'll realize why we titled this article, "A man from the year 1849 would have no shot of understanding this post." Try reading it from the point of view of a man from the past:

OOTP Madness


A few weeks ago, I began the process of creating a .csv file that would contain the rosters of all the World Champion OOTP teams from the last 25 years of simulations that I've run. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of not installing the Sean Lahman database at the beginning ... I heard that if you do that, all kinds of crazy statistical manipulations are possible, like RC/27, Win Shares, etc.

Anywho, I discovered you had to create FOUR .csv files to have any shot of making it happen. Luckily, I had saved all 25 seasons on my hard drive, so all I had to do was restore each league, export the four .csv files, open each file, copy the championship team data from each file, paste it into the corresponding master .csv file....

Well, after doing this a couple of times, I realized this would take hours of dragging with my mouse. I wished I had the ability to program in python ... to create some kind of batch file command to automatically pull the data ... I guess the Lahman database would've done that? I'm still not sure, after seeing all the steps I'd have to take.

I ended up continuing my league instead. I love managing my three teams, signing free agents, watching the salary cap ... to me, OOTP 5 is the best simulation ever. I can't wait to upgrade to 2007.

***

I hope you enjoyed that. I recommend trying to read any article from Wired or other techno websites from the perspective of someone from the past, and I'm sure you'll laugh at how language has morphed into unintelligible babble.

In fact, most articles written today would probably seem unintelligible to a man from 158 years ago.

Heck, they wouldn't even understand what bloggers mean by the word "Post."

Advanced Enneagram Studies -- Rewiring

In the past, we here at the DailySkew have written about the Enneagram and the Animalgram (an alternate version of the Enneagram that we use in the Dream Seeker stories) ... one of the things I brought up with the Animalgram is the theory of Rewiring. I'd like to explain rewiring in terms of the Enneagram.

First, let's define rewiring:

Rewiring occurs when a person is under extreme duress from factors in the environment. An example would be living in a 20th-century country where the individual is oppressed by a totalitarian regime, with no basic human rights. Being imprisoned and interrogated for extended periods can also cause rewiring, as well as intense, prolonged treatments for physical or mental ailments.

Rewiring can occur at any stage of a person's life -- childhood, adolescence, adulthood. An overbearing parent or spouse can trigger the process of rewiring, for example. Any pressure that is too much for the person to bear for an extended period of time can and will lead to rewiring.

We now know that the process of rewiring is gradual -- much like a frog being boiled slowly to death, the person may not be aware of the shift until it has already occurred.

Now, let's define the rewiring path:

3--->

8--->

7--->

9--->

5--->

4--->

6--->

2--->

1--->

Up until this morning, the only thing that had confounded me, in terms of the rewiring path, was how to account for wing types (example, 6 with a 7 wing). Do the wings follow their own separate path? I woke up today with the insight.

Basically, the Enneagram is 360 degree circle, with points along that circle that stand for a personality type. The paths of integration/disintegration/rewiring guide us to points in the circle -- but it's still a circle.

I realized that, when you're dealing with a person who has a wing type, the circle shifts, much like the way you would slightly adjust the a dial on an oven.

The dominant personailty type travels along the paths of integration and disintegration, as well as rewiring. The wing merely tags along, and morphs into another wing type, depending on where the dominant personality type lands on the circle.

So, starting with type 3w4, you would have this rewiring path:

3w4->

8w9->

7w8->

9w1->

5w6->

4w5->

6w7->

2w3->

1w2->

Starting with 3w2, this would be the path:

3w2->

8w7->

7w6->

9w8->

5w4->

4w3->

6w5->

2w1->

1w9->

I will not comment on the symmetry of the numbers at this time.

Porn Saved My Marriage

Yesterday, we heard from Amarillo da Vaca for the first time in over five years. Much to our surprise, he was still alive after he was thought to have committed suicide. Today, he sent the following email:

To: numbersix
From: Amarillo
Subject: Article for REAL DailySkew

I was inspired by Arturo Sundvold's recent article to make a confession -- porn keeps me sane and stress-free.

If it wasn't for porn, I'd probably be spending my check-cashing loan at a strip club. If it wasn't for porn, I'd be hitting on the hot neighbor two buildings down. If it wasn't for porn, I'd be at the bars, looking to pick up chicks.

If it wasn't for porn, I'd be on CL, buying some discounted a$$.

Thank god for porn sites and P2P.

Today, I'm not even attracted to real women. Unless it's on my computer screen, I don't get turned on.

Porn keeps me thinking with my brain while I'm out in the real world, and not with my head.

There's nothing better than porn to keep the modern conservative man sane. The actresses who perform in those movies are a godsend to a christian male like myself -- they keep me free from the sin of adultery and lust.

See you in the pornos, Arturo!

***

The previous article does not reflect the opinion of Tony Vahl or Damian Hospital. We respect free speech, and are happy that Amarillo finds the will to live by expressing his opinions.

Let's go Mets.

Exclusive Interview: Amarillo de Vaca

The following was an IM interview between Tony Vahl and Amarillo de Vaca:


Tony: Wow. I'm amazed to hear from you. Aren't you dead?


Vaca: Ha ha. That was just a device for dramatic effect. I'm alive and well.


Tony: Last we heard, you were quite depressed. How are you feeling these days?


Vaca: Actually, the reason why I've reached out to your website now is that I'm feeling down again ... my last two articles were cathartic, and I'm hoping writing about this will help me out.


Tony: Do tell.


Vaca: I feel like my life is on hold, like when you call DirecTV for service and, after navigating a series of ridiculous automated menus, wait over an hour for a human voice ... only to have your cell phone drop when a customer service rep says "Hello."

I'm stuck in a new town, and I'm thinking about slitting my wrists.


Tony: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down!


Vaca: I took a job out here in no man's land, b/c the cost of living is less than the big city. My wife and kids are still in the city, until the school year ends.


Tony: And that's why you want to kill yourself?


Vaca: No, no. I got over that one. I realized it was best for our kids to finish the school year before moving here to no-where-ville. I took a dose of Acceptance tm, and was okay.


Tony: So, what happened?


Vaca: Acceptance tm wasn't enough. I didn't realize that the long months of separation would eat away at me psychologically. Plus -- my job has become amazingly stressful over the past month. I'm not getting any real guidance, and I'm dealing with really important stuff. I hate making mistakes, and I feel like I'm landing a plane for the first time without a handbook or a trainer. I'm crashing. I'm crashing.


Tony: Yikes.


Vaca: And my little girl got sick, and I was stuck here ... I feel so helpless.


Tony: Damn.


Vaca: I feel like my defense shields are warn out. Any incoming laser bolts will destroy me.


Tony: Man. I don't know what to tell you. Hang in there, I guess.


Vaca: I've felt this way two other times in my life -- once, during High School. I could not handle going to class, and I cut school for like two months. Second, was the period of time I wrote about for the Skew.

I feel like my mind is split in half. Sparks are flying.


Tony: Yeesh.


Vaca: I'm mentally broken. I just want to hide under the covers and do nothing.

Unfortunately, I know this is not a realistic option.


Tony: And suicide is?


Vaca: I'm just tired, man. Tired.


Tony: ...


Vaca: I can't even sleep. And I took a dose of sleeping pills an hour ago.


Tony: ...


Vaca: I don't know. I'm not really interested in killing myself.


Tony: ...


Vaca: I just got to weather the storm. I gotta hang on, like a reporter in the middle of a hurricane.


Tony: Uh-huh. Well, I gotta go. Nice to hear from you again.


Vaca: Okay, Tony. Thanks for letting me write. I feel better already!


Tony: Sure.