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Man announces he is devoid of opinion M.O.T. News February 29, 2004 -- On a day that comes around only once every few years, a local man has announced that he is now officially devoid of opinion. "That's right. I've given up having an opinion about anything," stated Randall Thorak, a native Floridian. "I've had enough with the divisiveness opinions cause." When asked to elaborate, Mr Thorak explained: "Like the other day, I went to see this movie with a close friend. Normally, we're on the same page about films. Well, this time we weren't. I was loving it, and I turned to him, and he frowned. See? We were divided because my opinion was different than his. That's when I decided to no longer have opinions about movies, or anything else -- like who's going to win the Superbowl, or how long before we get a raise, or when will the war end. It just doesn't matter. "I know it may sound extreme, but it's the path I'm on. I just can't help it." Mr. Thorak's announcement is based on his desire to promote unity. "Look, it's better to have a friend than have an opinion," he summarized. When asked what he will base his movie-going decisions on, if not his opinion, he said, "Look, I'm easily entertained. If you give me a couple of good fight scenes, or dazzling special effects, I'm okay. I'll just go with the flow, and keep my mouth shut. Where ever life leads me, that's the theater I'll be at. "Of course, if I ever see a movie as bad as Judge Dredd, I will say something about that. I have yet to meet someone who liked that movie, so I don't believe I'm stating an opinion when I say that was a terrible movie -- that's a stone-cold fact, baby." This announcement comes on the heels of last year's declaration by Mr. Thorak that he was devoid of expectation. "The two go hand-in-hand -- I realize that now," he explained. "It's hard to be disappointed about anything in life if you don't expect anything. And if you eliminate opinion, man, oh man, you'll be at peace with others. I guarantee it." Dr. Richard Hoffman of the Animalgram Institute disagrees. "I think if you're devoid of expectation and opinion, it probably means you're also devoid of life. Living humans are, by design, opinionated. I believe Randall is a depressed squid-type personality who needs to integrate with his inner woodpecker." |
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