May
12
Speed Racer Crashed, Thank God
Here are my reasons why I smiled when I heard the news that Speed Racer bombed:
- I won’t have to see those INSANE acid-trip-inducing colors and video-game cheese graphics flashed on my television screen ad infinitum on commercials, promos, awards shows, etc. Once it’s out on DVD, the next time I expect to see this movie is in a Wal-Mart $5.00 bin.
- Let me just stress the fact that I AM SO THRILLED that I won’t have to hear about how great SPEED RACER the MOVIE was for the rest of the decade.
- I am not a Speed Racer fan. Believe me, I tried — I remember I bought issue one of some manga Speed Racer back in the 80′s, to try to get into the myth … and I’m sorry, but Robotech it was not. Unlike anime I enjoy, this story was thin. There didn’t seem to be any substance to it.
- Racer-X is Speed Racer’s long-dead brother — wow. What a mystery. I’m sure Sherlock Holmes could have solved that in … what? A split-second? In his sleep? Would he have turned to his cocaine and asked Dr. Watson to solve it, so boring was the mystery?
- Sorry, but cool-looking vehicles just don’t cut it. If I want to watch cool cars and crazy stunts, I’ll watch Tokyo Drift.
- Who thought that throwing computer graphics on the bring screen would sell to audiences? Does that even make any sense? IF you want to make a CG cartoon … don’t be shy. Just make one! That would have sold better — at least then you’d be catering to the Dreamworks/Sony Pictures crowd.
