Crisis on Earth-Star Wars

Crisis on Earth-Star Wars

by a former Jedi Master

As a former superhero-turned-family man, I appreciate history and continuity. These two things are very important to me.

Take Star Wars: the books actually make an attempt to stay in continuity with the movies. George Lucas approves any new storylines, so you know what you're reading is actual storyline, not just pages and pages of stuff that can be deleted at a whim by someone in the future who decides they want a new ending to your favorite Timothy Zahn book, or whatever.

The movies, on the other hand ... have gone in a direction I don't like. I speak of the original trilogy, which I bought on DVD when it finally came out.

The first shocker was seeing the young Anakin at the end of Return of the Jedi, instead of the aged Anakin. Do you know what that means? That actor has been ERASED FROM THE CONTINUITY.

Does Lucas not respect his older fans? I mean, sure, for kids, it makes sense to have Anakin at the end of RoJ, since they'll recognize him from the new trilogy. But, hey! We didn't have a young Anakin and we loved and appreciated the movies! Hasn't Lucas ever heard of "if it ain't broke, don't fix it?"

The real shocker, and what inspired this article -- was watching Empire Strikes Back last night. I've seen bits and pieces of the movie, while coloring with my toddler, but last night I paid attention for the first time ... and I saw the REAL Emperor.

That's right. Ian McDiarmand -- not the other guy who was the original emperor. There Darth Vader was, kneeling and saying, "What is thy bidding, my master?" when the Emperor from Return of the Jedi appears!

My jaw hit the floor. I had always wondered why they hadn't inserted him in after the fact, like in the Special Edition. I couldn't breathe, I was so stunned and pleased.

And they added dialogue! They explained how Vader comes to know he has a son! Wow!

And to hear the REAL Emperor say "Yeeeeesssss," instead of the original Emperor actor with his quick, "Yes, yes," was great...but then, I got to thinking.

There was something about the original emperor, and knowing that wasn't the guy from Return of the Jedi. There was something about accepting that little quirk, and being able to chuckle to yourself about it, as you attempted to imagine the similarities between the original guy and the new guy when watching Return.

And then the thought hit me -- my son will never see the original Emperor. And he will never see the old Anakin. They are now BOTH ERASED FROM THE CONTINUITY FOREVER.

That's because the original movies, as they were first released in the 1970's and 80's DON'T EXIST ANYMORE. So, unless you happen to have a video copy of it (which, much to my regret, I lost several moves ago), you are out of luck.

Imagine -- you're sitting with a friend your age, and your offspring. A scene from Star Wars pops up, and you turn and say, "Hey, you remember when Han shot first?" or "Remember when Anakin stood there next to Obi-Wan and Yoda?" and your friend will laugh and your kids will stare at you, absolutely dumbfounded.

"What are you talking about, dad?" they'll say, genuinely perturbed. "There was no such scene," or "That never happened," or "What Anakin?"

Your kids will think your nuts ... and eventually, you, too, will forget that scene ... and you will accept what George Lucas has recreated as THE ORIGINAL.

I'm reminded of issue 11 of Crisis on Infinite Earths, when only the heroes who stood before the dawn of time remembered the old timeline. I feel like a man without a planet.

Or without the old Anakin.

What If...? This happened in a comic book?

Costume

Superion flew above the Manhattan skyline, his keen super
sight scanning for crime below. He spotted the costumed
megavillain Hippo on 44th Street and 8th Avenue, walking
behind a woman wearing a trenchcoat. He shook his head
-- another one of his enemies had escaped from Riker's
Island.

The woman screamed. She had turned and spotted Hippo,
who now approached menacingly. Superion, who not only
could fly, but also was superstrong and invulnerable,
swooped down quickly.

Hippo was not to be taken lightly. He used mechanical
jaws built in to his helmet to tear his opponents from
limb to limb, and his suit gave him superhuman brute
strength. His gray imposing figure struck fear in the
hearts of policemen around the city. Superion quickly
assessed the situation, and decided a direct strike to
Hippo's head with his meteorite-powered fist would do the
trick.

Square jaw firmly set, 6'5" god-like frame whizzing
through the air like a missile, he slammed his
fully-extended fist into the side of Hippo's helmet. The
blow sent the supervillain hurtling off the sidewalk and
down an alley, finally crashing into a brick wall at the
far end, landing in a puddle of standing rain water.
Superion landed right next to his enemy.

Bright red blood flowed from the area where Superion had
landed his cataclysmic punch. He shuddered -- Hippo was
not wearing his Titanium helmet.

The woman in the trenchcoat ran down the alley, yelling,
"Jack! Jack!"

Hippo's name was not Jack; it was Eric Brek. The woman
inspected Jack and screamed again. "No!" she cried.

Superion's super ears told him all he needed to know.
Jack was dead.

She turned and said, "We were leaving a costume party at
Mid-Town Comics, you f***in' idiot! You f***in' crushed
his head, you stupid mother...."

Superion flew off before she could finish her final
expletive.