Porn Saved My Marriage

Yesterday, we heard from Amarillo da Vaca for the first time in over five years. Much to our surprise, he was still alive after he was thought to have committed suicide. Today, he sent the following email:

To: numbersix
From: Amarillo
Subject: Article for REAL DailySkew

I was inspired by Arturo Sundvold's recent article to make a confession -- porn keeps me sane and stress-free.

If it wasn't for porn, I'd probably be spending my check-cashing loan at a strip club. If it wasn't for porn, I'd be hitting on the hot neighbor two buildings down. If it wasn't for porn, I'd be at the bars, looking to pick up chicks.

If it wasn't for porn, I'd be on CL, buying some discounted a$$.

Thank god for porn sites and P2P.

Today, I'm not even attracted to real women. Unless it's on my computer screen, I don't get turned on.

Porn keeps me thinking with my brain while I'm out in the real world, and not with my head.

There's nothing better than porn to keep the modern conservative man sane. The actresses who perform in those movies are a godsend to a christian male like myself -- they keep me free from the sin of adultery and lust.

See you in the pornos, Arturo!

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The previous article does not reflect the opinion of Tony Vahl or Damian Hospital. We respect free speech, and are happy that Amarillo finds the will to live by expressing his opinions.

Let's go Mets.