On the heels of state attorney generals studying the possibility of filing class-action lawsuits against cell phone manufacturers on behalf of brain cancer victims, Atlanta police arrested every employee at the downtown Coca Cola building, charging them with loitering. The police chief is hoping that his department’s actions will slow down the never-ending stream of Coca Cola commercials that appear on television, radio, and Internet.
“I know it’s a stretch,” said interim Police Chief Turner. “Until the legislature takes action, we’ll use loitering laws to do what needs to be done. We’re not afraid of policing thought.”
So, why did the Atlanta police department arrest employees who were working, charging them with loitering? The answer: too much advertising.
“We call it mental loitering,” said an officer who was on the scene. “There’s too much information out there as it is, and we want to help protect the minds of the public from abusive advertising schemes, so they can focus on the important stuff.”
When asked how long this sting operation had been planned, the Police Chief said, “Honestly, I’ve been thinking about this since the ’96 Olympics, but I didn’t actually start planning until last Thursday, right after I saw that CGI commercial again where the dragon drinks a bottle of Coca Cola and starts shooting fireworks out of his mouth. I’m was already tired of Coca Cola’s misleading claims over the years. Open happiness? That was the final straw. As far as we are concerned, excessive advertising is a mind crime.”
The Georgia State legislature currently does not have any mental loitering bills on the legislative schedule. The Governor could not be reached for comment.
The downtown headquarters for Coca Cola has been converted into a prison, pending the arraignment for each and every employee. Attorneys for Coca Cola, who are stuck in the building, could not be reached for comment. McDonald’s, in a show of solidarity to their long-time business partner, has agreed to deliver Big Macs, French Fries, and other items to the Coca Cola employees.